


Snowden

by Shay_Nioum



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Deceit gets his feelings hurt, Deceit is stupid, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Freezing to death, He doesn't know how to properly flirt or fall in love, Hurt/Comfort, Hypothermia, M/M, Orange Side - Freeform, Recklessness, Self-Destruction, So he just snaps, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Virgil is a gay disaster, no actual death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21576625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Nioum/pseuds/Shay_Nioum
Summary: Virgil was supposed to be relaxing.This vacation wasn't becoming very relaxing...
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Comments: 23
Kudos: 158





	1. Chapter 1

Virgil was supposed to be relaxing.

It was a vacation after all, and it wasn’t every day that Thomas got the chance to rent out a cabin in the woods all by himself and relax. He had his videos stacked up, so there were no deadlines to meet. He had his computer and a stack of movies with him, so there was plenty of entertainment to go around. He had both healthy and junk food stocked up in the kitchen of the cabin, keeping both Logan happy as well as Roman and Patton overjoyed about the foods they could splurge on. Thomas had over a week to relax before he’d have to drive back to Florida and go back to doing his usual grind, and so far the week had only just started and there was still plenty of time left to enjoy it. 

Roman and Patton had long since called dibs on the hot tub, with Patton blowing bubbles under the warm surface of the water. While Logan had curled up by the fireplace with one of his books, a warm cup of hot chocolate not too far away from him. While Remus was fast asleep as he laid starfished out in front of the fireplace as well with no more than a pair of boxers on. 

Yet he still couldn’t relax.

He couldn’t stop looking out the window, where Deceit had sat in one of the rocking chairs out on the back porch that overlooked the wide expansive forest that gave him jitters from just looking at it. Deceit had gone out there nearly two hours ago, and he still hadn’t moved, other than blowing on his drink and taking the occasional sip. His very presence there made something itch at the back of his scalp, and his stomach twist and turn each time he glanced over and saw that he was still there. 

_ Why is he here?  _ He asked himself worriedly.  _ He’s never EVER come out for one of Thomas’ vacations before, and even I showed up before I was welcome. So why is HE here?! He didn’t even stick around for the movie night! Why? Why? Why? Why? _

“You know he’s not going to do anything if you just keep looking at him right?” Logan drawled from his space over next to the fireplace, “He hasn’t done anything so let it be Virgil, he’s probably just enjoying the change of scenery. When’s the last time that Thomas has had a vacation? Even Remus has been enjoying it, Deceit isn’t hurting anyone by being by himself and not interacting with anyone.”

Logically Virgil knew that Logan was correct, Deceit WASN’T hurting anyone by avoiding everyone in the house and not talking to a single soul since he’d shown up in the cabin. But… 

But what?

But..but..but..but…

“I’m gonna go outside for a bit!” He exclaimed, garnering Logan’s attention for a brief second before the logical side waved him off with a fleeting warning of the weather and the incoming snow that would fall later that night. “I won’t be too long, the cold air feels nice.” 

With Logan’s gaze no longer on him, and no longer searing into his soul suspicious of whatever he was about to do. Virgil darted up from his seat like someone had just set his rear end on fire, and hastily made his way to back door and onto the porch. Stepping out into the nippy weather covered his arms in goosebumps, he couldn’t help but to openly stare at Deceit. 

His eyes seemed to stare ahead without seeing a single thing, like the way that Roman’s would when he was daydreaming about something on the car ride over to the cabin. Except… the frown that marred that image told Virgil an entirely different story, it didn’t seem at all like Deceit was daydreaming about anything… if anything, he seemed utterly lost in his thoughts. The kind of lost that Virgil could personally attest to, the kind of lost that he had been before he had decided to duck out and leave the other sides scrambling for an answer. He didn’t even seem to notice that Virgil had joined him on the back porch, there was no oily slick voice crooning about his latest plans, or really any mockery of any kind. There was no poking fun at how his eyeshadow resembled someone that had been punched in the face, nor any sarcastic bemoaning of the movie they had chosen for the movie night that Deceit hadn’t been invited to.

There was nothing but an empty gaze, and an even emptier frown.

That feeling churned in his gut once again, and this time... Virgil felt a spike of anger at the uncharacteristic worry that he felt for the dishonest side. 

He wasn’t meant to worry about the snake faced bastard, so simply speaking… he wouldn’t. 

“What are you planning Deceit?” He sharply asked, his cutting tone slicing right through the peaceful silence that had been between them. “You’re never this quiet, so what are you doing?!” He snapped, it was so easier to be snappy and harsh than it ever was to be worried and soft towards the other side. It was like that with all of the sides, but with Deceit… it was different.. harder. So it was best to just go with his baser instincts on this one, he had to be planning something… he was Deceit after all. 

He had to be. Otherwise… otherwise, he was just wrong.

A heavy sigh fell from Deceit’s lips the moment that the anxious side fell silent, and like an old mountain moving across the land, the snake faced side stood slowly. As if every joint and every muscle caused him pain in some way or fashion, and as if moving too quickly… would cause him to completely shatter and break. 

His eyes didn’t meet Virgil’s. 

“What are you doing?!” Virgil hastily barked out as soon as Deceit stood, pouring out the remainder of his hot drink over the side of the porch. He hadn’t wanted his presence to make Deceit leave, especially when he had seemed so… peaceful and tranquil out here in the first place. He was almost taken aback by the bland and.. and just plain tired look that reflected in the dishonest side’s eyes when they looked back at him. 

Deceit held himself loosely, his shoulders sagging and his hands loosely holding the cup that had once been empty.

He couldn’t’ help the step back that he took, no more than how he could help how his heart started to rattle wildly against his chest as that worry he had tried so hard to repress just came right on back. 

“Virgil…” Deceit sighed softly, his voice no more than a whisper forcing the other to listen harder as he set his cup down on the railing of the porch with an almost exhausted dignity. “It’s entirely too obvious that you don’t want me around. You hiss at me whenever I show up, you glare at me until I leave, and don’t think that I didn’t notice how you kept staring at me a few minutes ago. I’m not an idiot, I know when I’m not welcome, and I know even more when to make myself scarce. You hate me, I’m not going to shame you or guilt you for that, it’s how you feel after all… but I don’t have to put up with it.” He seriously said as he readjusted his caplet around his shoulders, “And I’m not, now… why don’t you have a nice day? Sit down and enjoy yourself… the view is to  _ die  _ for...” 

With that being said… and before Virgil could even say anything to stand up for himself Deceit stepped off the porch. And began walking towards the forest that was laid out before them. Fallen leaves crunched with every step that Deceit made away from them all, the noise echoing in Virgil’s ears long until the dishonest side had disappeared well from his view and then some. 

Deceit didn’t know how long he had been walking for.

The only thing that he really knew was that if he turned back and walked back to the cabin… then he was going to have to deal with Virgil’s glares and the distrustful looks of the other sides. It was supposed to be a vacation that they all could enjoy, that meant everyone. The others wouldn’t enjoy it if he was there, with his mere presence ruining everything, and he wouldn’t enjoy it if his quiet time was being cut in half by the demanding suspicious questions of the others when he really wasn’t planning anything.

He just wanted to be left alone.

So he walked, he walked and walked until his feet started to ache, and until he found a nice stump of a tree that had been cut down. It was partially frozen, and despite that… it felt so very nice to rest his feet in the wilderness where he could finally be by himself and- 

“What are you doing Deceit?” 

A smooth drawling voice spoke from right in front of the dishonest side, forcing him to snap his head up from where he had just been staring at the ground. And looking up, the side in question felt his stomach drop as if he had just been pushed from a pier into freezing cold waters. It may have been snowing but that most certainly didn’t distract from the side standing there in front of him. He… he rarely ever showed up for anything, let alone Deceit. What with his crisp orange bow tie to the perfectly circular cracked and chipped glasses that went startlingly well with his sharp smile. “This is unlike you, and pouting like a child no less...” The other side whispered slowly as his eyes narrowed behind those cracked glasses, but even so, he might as well have been shouting. As he leaned in placing his hand on Deceit’s shoulder giving it gentle but firm squeeze. His fingers like bound iron laying against his shoulder. “What’s going on dear?”

Almost immediately Deceit shrugged the hand off of his shoulder, returning his gaze to his snowy shoes and the feet that already felt too numb to do any more walking. “Leave it alone Charon, I’m fine.” 

The lie tasted bitter on his tongue, but it was a lie he had nonetheless gotten used to over the past few months. Whenever Remus popped in to see how he was doing, whenever he had been left alone after being ignored by the others, every time that Virgil looked back at him with that scathing glare that communicated nothing but hatred, and even now… when he couldn’t feel his own feet and his fingers were hastily following suit. He was fine… just fine, just as he always had been and always will be. He could deal with this, with the emotions playing tug-o-war in his chest as he tried to forget it all. 

“My dear…” The hand that had been on his shoulder moved right up to his hair, as the long spindly fingers combed through his rough messy curls with a surprising gentleness. “I know that “ _ your thing _ ” is lies and all, but frankly… that’s bullshit. You’re the furthest from fine that I’ve ever seen you in a very long time. Why don’t you go on back? I’m sure that Remus could cheer you up with his little bone trick he’s always so eager to pull off.” 

A beat of silence before, as the tiniest little snowflakes started to slowly drift down from the sky. The specks of white dotted Deceit’s black caplet, until more and more started to appear the heavier that the snow fell. It was freezing outside…

“Dee please…” A hint of desperation clung to the other side’s voice as that hand now grasped the back of his neck, giving him a firm shake. “It’s too cold for you to stay out here any longer. You’ll freeze!“

“So what?” 

Two words. Just two simple words and the very air itself seemed to freeze in time and remain frozen. Two words, that might as well have knocked the air right out of Charon’s lungs and then some. Had he not been looking at his feet, Deceit would have seen the very brief but very pained look that spasmed over the other side’s face before it was gone in an instant. 

But he didn’t. 

So for just a split second Charon sputtered something akin to alarm writing itself all over his face, “So wha-” And for just the slightest second it gave the dishonest side just the smallest sliver of satisfaction upon seeing the other side completely losing it as he attempted to wrap his head around what had just been said before Charon’s mouth snapped abruptly snapped shut completely at a loss for a moment. He… honestly didn’t know what to do, in the many years, he had been around Deceit and all of the others… he had never seen the dishonest acting the way he was before. This.. this was something completely new for him, and he didn’t like it one bit. “Deceit!” He finally hissed sharply, but not before his voice softened like snow melting before the warm water. “You don’t mean that… do you? We’d be lost without you, dear…” 

Once again, the dishonest side in question merely blinked down at his snow-covered shoes, more and more snow was piling on top of him at this point. 

“So what if I do mean it?” He sourly muttered, breaking the short silence between them. “Step off Charon and go back to sleep…” Once again he shrugged his entire body away from the other side, “It’s just about the only thing that you even do that you’re even good at, so piss off and leave me alone.”

Guilt lanced across Deceit’s insides the very second that the words slipped out, he didn’t mean them… of course, he didn’t mean them. But if it was the only way to get Charon… let alone the others to leave him alone so that he could finally be at some peace, then.. then... Well, he still didn’t really like it, and he’d most certainly beat himself up over it later. Charon was so much more than a sleep-addled idiot, just as the others were so much more than any label that society could ever give them. But… but he was just so tired, the others were determined to hate and scorn him, even if he hadn’t done anything wrong. So… he was just so tired of all of it, regardless of who he had to push away in the process.

It was better like this. 

If he pushed them away now, it wouldn’t hurt in the long run when they decided to leave just like Virgil did. Well… it could still hurt, but hopefully just not as much as it did before. His body was already numb, so why not make his insides numb as well? 

Only silence answered him, and dragging his head up, it became all too obvious that he was once again alone. 

Charon was gone.

With a broken watery laugh escaping his lips, Deceit slid down from the stump that he had seated himself on. The snow under his feet crunching loudly as he shifted his body weight onto it, and sat in the cold frozen precipitation. 

His teeth loudly chattered in his skull as the freezing chill swept through him, “S..Serves m..me...r.r..r…” The words almost refused to come past his hastily chattering teeth, as he quickly wrapped his arms around himself as if that would preserve whatever warmth he had left on his human side. He had already been cold when he had been talking with Charon, and his hands and feet had steadily been getting numb with each minute that had passed the longer that they had talked. He had almost been able to ignore it with Charon’s warm presence before him, but now… now there was nothing to distract from the cold, and nothing to distract from the loneliness. “R..Right…” He finally whispered, leaning his head back against the stump. 

He was so cold…

The freezing nature of the dark sides’ living quarters didn’t even compare to that, and even then he usually had a heating blanket and a few heating pads to keep his body temperature regulated. He’d never been this cold before, he...he…

He couldn’t feel his hands anymore, even with the gloves that he was wearing. 

“Ch..Char…” His lips felt as numb as his fingers had just a few minutes ago, and had he looked in the mirror he was sure that they would have been as blue as Patton’s polo-shirt. He slumped even more into the frozen stump, if such a thing were even possible despite the fact that his heart was quite literally thumping wildly in his chest. “R..Rem…” He..he didn’t want to die, he didn’t want to freeze to death, he didn’t want to leave the others wondering where he was never to be found, and… he didn’t want to come to the realization that the others probably wouldn’t even come looking for him.

A pathetic whimper crawled its way up his throat and past his lips, as the tears froze against his cheeks.

He didn’t want to go… he wanted to go back to the cabin and watch a movie with the others for once. He wanted to be included, he… he didn’t want to die out here cold and alone. 

He didn’t want to be alone…

“V..Virg..” The name stuttered and died on his lips, as the cold seeped into his bones dragging his tired mind more and more towards the soft warmth of unconsciousness. “V..irg...il…”

He was out. 


	2. Chapter 2

Virgil was supposed to be relaxing.

Sitting on the back porch with Deceit’s empty cup in his hands as he stared out to the direction of the woods, all while pondering his past mistakes and anxiously muddling over what he could have done differently. Well… it wasn’t exactly what he would call relaxing. His own words twisted around in his head, reminding him that this situation was very much his fault, and he had only made it that much worse by not immediately going after Deceit and trying to make it better. He could have… but a part of him had thought that the other side would come right on back, and that… maybe he just needed a little time to blow off some steam or think to himself. 

But after so long of waiting and waiting and waiting…

The churning in his stomach only got worse and worse as the seconds ticked on by.

_What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if?_ _What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if?_

The crunching of a combination of snow and leaves snagged and jerked Virgil’s mind out of the spiral it had been walking itself or rather free falling down into. Snapping his head, up Virgil couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face as he went to lock eyes with Deceit. Relief sweeping through him at the very thought of the dishonest side having come back alright and unharmed, just for Virgil’s eyes widened at the sight of the other side that he had hardly ever seen. Even when he had been living with Deceit and Remus, he had hardly ever seen the side that was stalking right towards him from the entrance of the woodland area that Deceit had disappeared into.

The other side’s name was no more than a whisper, or at least what little that left him was no more than a whisper. 

“Char-”

Before Virgil even saw it coming, Charon’s fist sank heavily into his stomach, leaving the anxious side wheezing and gasping as he fell to his knees. Pain radiated through his middle as he curled up into himself only able to watch as Deceit’s cup rolled helplessly away from him and down the steps of the back porch. Just to peacefully sink into an inch of freshly fallen snow, well out of his reach especially as Charon loomed ominously over him like a nightmare in the shadows. 

“Now,” Charon darkly hissed rage brimming in the eyes hidden behind his cracked glasses, as he seized the anxious side up by the back of Virgil’s hoodie leaving him to hang there like a kitten being held up his scruff. “I don’t know what it is that you said, that has made Deceit fully willing to sit out in the middle of a snowstorm knowing that it could kill him. But quite frankly…” The orange side seized Virgil’s face, turning it so that they could meet eye to eye. “I don’t fucking give a damn. I don’t think that he’ll go through with it, but you better watch what you say around him you understand me? Because if we get a repeat of this…” Charon’s eyes darted over to the other side’s that were all crowded around a board game of some kind, making his threat VERY clear to someone like Virgil. “Then I already know where your heart is, spider…” 

With that having been said, Charon dropped Virgil like a limp bag of potatoes, and without even having to look up Virgil already knew that Charon had gone back to the mindspace to continue his sleep-fest. He wouldn’t risk getting seen by the others, let alone Thomas had it not been for something important... 

A snowstorm… Deceit…

Deceit!

Previous pain forgotten, Virgil scrambled up to his feet. He didn’t even bother to offer the others an explanation to where he was going or even to when he’d be back. Deceit had only left… not that long ago, right? He hadn’t been gone that long, and he hadn’t turned or walked off of the path from what he could recall. So it would take him no time at all to get to Deceit before the storm hit…

Right?

“Deceit?” Virgil cupped his hands around his mouth as he called out for the other side, his feet were starting to ache and by now the worry had steadily drained out of his voice only to be replaced by annoyance. “Come on Deceit! This is getting old, just come on out and we can head back inside! Deceit?” He tried again, with only the crunching of his own footsteps in snow answering him back as he called out again and again. By now, he could see his breath misting out in front of his very nose, the temperature was dropping more and more the longer he spent out here.

It was getting too cold for even him, someone who wore a jacket all year around, he could only imagine how cold it would be for Deceit… if he was still ali- 

“Dee!” He called out again, terror coloring his voice as he picked up the pace at his own spiraling thoughts. “Dee come on, please!” He begged as more and more trees passed him by in a blur of reds, yellows, and browns, as he started running down the well-worn path of the trail. His breathing was coming out in quite terrified puffs, obscuring his sight for little moments as his feet darted under him propelling him forward. “Please, this isn’t funny Dee! It’s getting dark, and you know how you get with the cold! D-” 

His feet skidded on a sheet of ice, and everything turned cold. 

There was a feeling of something crushing his lungs, he couldn’t get enough oxygen in them despite the fact that he was surrounded by nothing but open space and plenty of air to breathe. The sound of his own breathing was even disconnected from the rise and fall of his chest, as the sharp wheezing sounds made him internally cringe. He... He couldn’t move. All of his muscles painfully seized, his knees shuddering as his body forced him to remain standing, locked in that one position unable to do a single thing. 

There laying on the ground, curled up like a dead squirrel at the base of a tree stump was… Deceit. 

His lips were blue. His. Lips. Were. Blue. His lips were fucking blue. 

He looked almost frozen.

_ You should have done better.  _ The voice in his head that sounded all too much like Charon chided vindictively, and with the sharpness of a knife.  _ You could have stopped him before he walked off into that forest. You could have been nicer to him. You could have told him that you wanted him around. Look at him! LOOK AT HIM! He’s dead because of you! Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. YOUR. FAULT!  _

Like a broken and janky marionette Virgil’s limps finally moved, sending him scattering towards Deceit’s lifeless blue-lipped body that felt absolutely freezing to the touch. 

“Dee?” The nickname of the dishonest side leaves Virgil in a rush of hot air as he cradles the other, “Dee please.” He openly begs as he clutches the other, desperate to feel any kind of warmth in the other’s skin or to feel… anything at this point coming from the other. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… Please… Please don’t go.” The hot tears escape his eyes in a scalding waterfall down his cheeks, completely smearing and ruining the presentation of his eyeshadow, but at this point, he could really less than care about that. “I… I was wrong. I was so wrong. Please..please.. Please!” The words wheeze themselves past his lips at this point, barely more than a whisper but not quite as silent as he initially thought they were. “Please…” 

Deceit’s hand falls limply from his chest, like a puppet whose strings had just been ruthlessly cut by the puppeteer. 

And it’s with that one singular action that Virgil clutches Deceit’s body even tighter, practically seizing the dishonest side and placing him right on his lap as he sobs desperately into the other’s hair. It hurts… god does it hurt. It hurts so much more than he could have imagined that it would, its the kind of pain that makes every movement ten times worse and the kind of pain that strikes him through the middle. It’s… impossible to even imagine standing up and taking Deceit back to the others, just as it’s impossible to imagine the looks on Remus’ and Charon’s face when they see Deceit... when they see his body. 

Everything felt frozen, like time itself could have stopped and he wouldn’t have known the difference.

He could still remember watching Deceit out of the window this morning, as the other side sipped at his warm drink just watching the new scenery after Thomas had taken all of his luggage and groceries in. Deceit who hadn’t done anything, who had just been minding his own business and not hurting anyone. He… he’d never get to see it again, just as none of the others would get to see it again either. 

But he had to… that was the kicker, wasn’t it? 

Looking down at Deceit’s face and feeling his heart crack open even more… he knew. “I need to take you back,” The anxious side whispered, his trembling shaking fingers so very carefully brushing aside a lock of Deceit’s hair, as if touching him any harder would cause the dishonest side to shatter to pieces in his hands. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I just left you here, and… you don’t deserve that. You.. you…” Emotions clogged Virgil’s throat, and yet… he went on. “You deserve so much more, and you always did… I..” Teardrops plopped against Deceit’s near-white as snow skin, “I will always apologize for that.”

He would.

Brushing away the tears that had dripped onto Deceit’s face, Virgil carefully curled his arms under the other side’s chest and legs before easily lifting him. It took a conscious effort to not let another choked sob out as Deceit’s head lifelessly thumped against the anxious side’s chest, where it remained as he started his long and arduous walk back to the cabin as his heart weighed heavily with the guilt that he was sure to carry with him through the rest of both his and Thomas’ life.

What would happen now? 

Would there be a new Deceit? If there was, Virgil didn’t know how he would be able to react around him. Would Thomas be unable to lie now? Would Deceit’s body just fade away? That thought alone filled him with an instant pain that clutched ruthlessly at his heart, despite the fact that he surely deserved such an agony for how he had treated Deceit. He didn’t want Deceit to fade away. To be gone as if he had never existed in the first place. To.. to… just be gone… He couldn’t handle the thought of that happening, he didn’t WANT to be able to handle it, let alone for it to even happen. 

Before he even knew it… Virgil had walked back to the cabin. 

What had once been a long trek that had left his legs and feet aching and sore… had now been way too short as he stared at all of the others through the backdoor window. They were all laughing, having a grand old time, while being completely unaware of the bombshell that he was about to drop on them. They were ignorant of how things were going to change now, they… they had no idea on how this was going to hurt. Honestly… Virgil didn’t even know if it was going to hurt them at all, sure it would hurt Remus and Charon. But Patton and the others…

Would they even care? Would they even mourn him?

Virgil would, he’d mourn enough for all of them. That was for damn sure.

It took less than a second. It took less than a second for Remus to look up from whatever game he was playing against Roman, it took less than a second for Remus gaze to meet his through the frosting window, and it took less than a second for the creative side’s face to rapidly shifting from glee, to concern, to understanding, and then finally and worst of all… to horror. 

Everything that happened next, felt like it was happening disconnected from Virgil’s own reality. Like he was nothing more than a paper boat on a string, floating haplessly in the messy currents of an ocean that would soon overwhelm him. 

“DECEIT!” None of them… none of them had ever heard Remus scream like he had then, and none of them had ever seen him run like he did. Throwing open the door, just for Roman’s arms to seize him around the middle, stopping his twin from practically throwing himself at Virgil and doing who knows what. “No!” Remus caterwauled, his makeup a steady stream down his face, matching Virgil’s own state. “Let me go! Let me go! LET ME GO!” He fought like a wild animal against Roman’s impressive grip, “No! Nononononono! DECEIT! DEE! NO!” 

Everyone’s ears rang with Remus’ heartbreaking screams as Roman physically pulled Remus back so that Virgil could actually walk into the cabin and not get mauled to death by Remus’ bared teeth. 

Static rang in Virgil’s ears as he shuffled past them all, his eyes mindlessly staring ahead as he gingerly laid Deceit on the couch. 

“I didn’t know what else to do,” He scarcely whispered, as he tucked his jacket around Deceit. Everything felt as if it were suspended on a razor-thin wire, but even that didn’t stop the tears that ran down his cold shocked face as he stared back at Patton and the others. “I didn’t know what else to do other than to bring him home…” 

In that instant, Patton’s expression broke and within a few seconds he had Virgil gathered in his arms. “Oh, Virg…” The moral side whispered, allowing the other side to bury his face into his shoulder. “Oh kiddo…” There weren’t any words that Patton could even say to make the situation better, he couldn’t lie and say that things would be okay, because… well… They wouldn’t be, Deceit was dead, one of their own was dead and Virgil had been the one to find him. They all had a hand to play in this, no matter how much they would have liked to pretend that they didn’t. 

Because they very well did.

“Get away from him!” Remus snarled viciously, fighting even more ruthlessly to get out of Roman’s iron grip as soon as Logan had laid his hands on Deceit. He snapped and snarled like a savage beast, his feet digging into the ground in order to give him just the slightest inch forward, “He’s not just some science experiment for you to play with once he’s dead!” 

“He’s not,” Logan bluntly and quite startlingly state, his own eyes widening. 

“What?” 

“He’s not dead…” The logical side whispered, pressing his fingers against the underside of Deceit’s jaw again just to be certain, and he was… “There.. There’s a pulse!” He blurted out before he could stop himself, it was small but it was most certainly there that was for certain. “In his panicked state, Virgil must have forgotten to check and must’ve assumed Deceit’s fate once his breathing had gotten too low. It’s likely… that Virgil’s own body heat was the only reason that Deceit even had a pulse to speak of. If he had gotten there a moment too late…” Logan snapped his mouth shut at the looks that were reflected back at him, “I uh…” He floundered for a moment, “Get me blankets! We need to gradually raise his internal temperature! Turn the heat up, Remus add some more fuel to the fireplace!” 

With something to do, they all got to work. 


	3. Chapter 3

The entire cabin was dead quite.

From the side of the couch Virgil watched Deceit’s still unmoving body like a bloodhound that refused to move from its post, he had been there for hours, and honestly, he wasn’t planning on moving anytime soon if he had anything to say about it. He watched the rise and fall of Deceit’s chest, hardly even daring to blink as if that would erase that one sign of life completely out of existence forever. 

Remus, roughly had the same idea. As he sat there at the end of the couch that the dishonest side was sprawled out on under what must have been a hundred blankets, coats, and even scarves. He had Deceit’s feet on his lap, his hands securely curled around them as if letting them go for even a second would mean certain death for the other side. He had stopped crying, but the messy stains of his eyeshadow were a reminder of just how desperate he had been the moment that he had seen Deceit’s lifeless body cradled in Virgil’s arms, a reminder of just how close they had both come. It was a startling similarity that both he and Remus shared.

They had both come close to losing someone that they had taken for granted. 

“He never stopped hoping you know,” Remus’ raspy voice broke the silence with nothing more than a whisper. Swallowing roughly, he gingerly patted one of Deceit’s sock covered feet. “He always hoped that you’d be happy with the others, and even if you weren’t… he.. he hoped that you knew you could come back despite how things had ended. You know how he is.” 

Virgil did, and yet he didn’t all at the same time. 

When he had ducked out, the voice in his head had told him rather scornfully that he would never be welcome among the dark sides again. The night that he had left had been the end in his mind, he had said things, Deceit had said things, and Remus… well Remus always said things. To him, he had always thought that they would turn him away, or laugh in his face if he were to tell them about what had happened with Patton and the others. It had never crossed his mind that Deceit would ever welcome him back, let alone with open arms. 

So when the dishonest side revealed himself after taking Patton’s form, he had…

He had assumed the worst. 

Guilt swirled inside of Virgil just like the snowstorm outside, “I…” The words felt like lead on his tongue, “I’m sorry.” He began, just to immediately be stopped. 

“Are you?” Remus sharply asked, the facade of crude words and humor gone as those haunted eyes started into Virgil, as if he were nothing more than a crystal ball. “You don’t act it. You hiss at him, you call us the bad guys, and don’t think I didn’t hear about how you told Thomas that you were ‘one of us’ at one point. Like were some dirty things at the bottom of your shoe. We hear it all Virgil!” He snarled, his grip tightening around Deceit’s foot, “So what is it?! Are you sorry for how you’ve treated us, or are you sorry about being associated with us?! Because sometimes it’s really hard to tell! Are you or are you not ashamed of us?!”

Remus’ rage reminded him of Charon, the dark unfathomable look in his eyes, the curl of his upper lip right before he started shouting, and… the way that his body seemed to fold over Deceit’s almost protectively. 

It wasn’t hard to tell just who Remus hung out with after Virgil was no longer in the picture. 

It made something in his stomach sour at the mere thought of it. 

“We want to be accepted Virgil, just like you were. Is that really so hard to believe that we don’t have something nefarious planned?” Remus’ voice sounded wet, as all of the anger flooded out of him leaving the creative side to desperately look back at Virgil with something close to tears. “Why is it that you only want this too for yourself, and nobody else? Are you that hypocritical?” 

That stung. 

Remus stopped talking, his eyes boring into Virgil’s clearly waiting for some kind of answer. An answer that would solve all of this, solve the years of neglect, abandonment, and years of ignorance from Virgil’s side of the equation. And with it all…

With all of the excuses that he could use, turning the blame onto someone else, or just ignoring the question… 

Virgil didn’t have an answer. 

“I don’t…” Terror filled his stomach at the realization, he didn’t… he didn’t know why. He didn’t know why he had ignored Deceit and Remus all of these years. He didn’t know why he wouldn’t allow them to step into the light. Deceit in his own way was self-preservation as Patton had said, and Remus… well Remus was a part of creativity just like Logan had told him. “I don’t know…” Virgil whispered, that same panic he had felt before clawing at his insides. “I wasn’t sure what I felt, or what I was thinking. I was just.. I just felt like I needed to stop you two. There wasn’t any rhyme or reason I just felt…”

“Scared.” Everything came to a screeching halt at that one word, at that one little word that so perfectly summed everything up for him. “You were scared, Virgil.” Remus sighed, and what little energy he’d had left seemed to drain right out of him. He looked tired, the deep-set circles under his eyes still there just hidden by layers of eyeshadow and foundation. Virgil knew that he didn’t look much better all things considered. “I don’t know why,” Remus began, his thumbs rubbing the soles of Deceit’s feet as if the motion was to calm himself and nobody else. “It’s not like we would have hurt you, we’re not monsters...”

Virgil rather pointedly decided this was not the right time to bring up that Charon had punched, rather solidly, in the stomach. 

“You need to talk to us Virgil,” Remus grimaced for a second, “And I know that I’m sounding too much like Deceit or fuck forbid Logan, but… he’s right sometimes. If you’re that scared, and your anxiety is fucking with you that badly… then please talk to someone. It doesn’t even have to be us, just someone, you can’t keep it to yourself all the time. You’re not meant to.” 

He was right, of course, he was right. He hadn’t known what else to do when the thoughts of Deceit, Remus, or even Charon hurting him had come into his head. He hadn’t known what to even say the mere idea of ducking out seemed much easier than just talking to them instead of running away. But there was one thing that he did know, right here and now. 

A dry puff of a laugh escaped Virgil, with only just a touch of humor behind it. “You do sound like Logan.”

And just like that, a good-natured groan answered him, and Remus threw his head back against the back of the couch.

“Now you’re really killing me,” He grinned sharply, “Go for a slower death next time okay Stormcloud? I don’t think I can take death by Logan, he’s far too scary.” 

At that Virgil had to snort, if there was one thing that they could agree upon it was very much that. And Remus had yet to even hear Logan give one of his “falsehood” shouts, that made his ears ring just about every time he heard them no matter where Logan was, be it in his bedroom or downstairs with everyone else. 

For just a moment their conversation gradually lulled itself into silence, with nothing but the flickering of the fireplace to fill that void as their attention gradually shifted back over to Deceit. His chest rose and fell as it had been doing for the past few hours, although his expression remained as dead as it had been from the moment that Virgil had carried him into the cabin. His lips were no longer blue, so there was at least that to note. He wasn’t dead, he wasn’t going to die, Deceit would be alright. 

As soon as he woke up at least. 

“Remus?” Virgil softly asked, his voice nothing more than a whisper as if anything an octave higher would wake the dishonest side up. “What are we going to do when he wakes up? Like… what should we do? Charon said…” And just like that he bit his lip as Remus’ attention snapped over to him at the mention of the usually slumbering side, “He said that Deceit willingly stayed outside, to you know… die.” 

Would Deceit even want to see him? Would he scowl at him? Would he ignore him? Would he… would he try again? Would he wait until all of them were asleep, and venture out in the dead of night when he knew that nobody would stop him and sit there until he no longer had a pulse and faded aw-

“Stop.” Remus’ voice stopped him dead, his head fastened around Deceit’s feet even tighter now as if that would ensure that Virgil wouldn’t notice that his entire body was shaking. Whether it was with rage, fear, or sorrow Virgil didn’t know. “When he wakes up… You apologize. You apologize and you mean it, do you understand. Don’t apologize like you did to me, apologize like.. like…” The creative side gulped, his watery eyes staring down at Deceit as if that was the only thing left to do. “After that… we’ll see. We’ll watch him, and… and we’ll make sure that he’s okay. That’s the only thing that matters.”

And just like that Virgil was bobbing his head in agreement. 

They would watch, and they would protect him. Virgil would protect him, just like he did with Thomas, and just like he did with all of the other sides. He wouldn’t allow Deceit to be forgotten anymore, and he wouldn’t let him be alone in cold any longer. 

He was the protector, and it was time he started protecting everybody. 

Virgil gave another nod, “Okay,” He firmly said, something like resolve taking the place that fear once had. And without even thinking, he scooted closer to the couch and slid his hand under the piles of blankets until he found Deceit’s hand. 

Clasping it tight as he could, Virgil held on and hoped that his little warmth would be enough to help Deceit wake up. 

* * *

From the end of the hallway out of the two sides’ line of sight, Logan stood his arms crossed in front of his chest as he watched the lull in the conversation between the creative side and Virgil, as the anxious side laid his head next to Deceit’s shoulder gradually nodding off. 

He wasn’t alone in his watching. 

Next to him stood the tall side with the bright orange bowtie and cracked glasses, casually resting his shoulder against the logical side’s as if it were no problem at all. This certainly wasn’t the first time that the other side had made himself known to just Logan, leaving the other light sides none the wiser of his presence. Even to this day, Logan wasn’t entirely certain as to why that was, perhaps it was just that Logan was aware of all of them just as Deceit was. Or maybe it was that, for some reason, the bowtie clad side actually liked him as strange as that was. He didn’t understand it, but then again…

Maybe he wasn’t meant to. 

Logic and Recklessness did go hand in hand, in a strange sort of way. 

After all, how else was science supposed to get done?

“Thank you,” He finally said, shifting his gaze to Charon, who remained staring ahead at the three sides resting on the couch. “For warning Virgil. I know that you aren’t strong enough to do a lot of things outside the mindspace, so doing… that was hard on your current form. But… thank you.” 

At this Charon finally turned to him, almost seeming to reward him with a sharp-toothed grin as he bumped his shoulder against the logical side’s.

“Of course dear,” The orange side practically purred, a layer of suaveness covering the emotions that he truly felt about the thanks coming from the logical side. “If Deceit were to die, then I’d have to wake up for good, and well… that’s no fun at all.” 

And just like that, a pair of fingers walked along Logan’s arm and up to his shoulders, until the fingers could finally grasp the logical side’s face, turning it to face Charon’s. 

He looked dead serious, no grin in sight.

“Don’t you try anything like that dear, I’ve seen their actions, I’ve heard Virgil’s words toward you when Remus revealed himself.” Charon gently wiggled his grip on Logan’s face, making a lock of Logan’s hair fall in front of his face. “I’ve heard your thoughts, dear. And that just won’t do for you.” 

A feeling similar to shame coiled in Logan’s belly, but it was gone by the time that Charon’s thumb swept over the logical side’s cheek gathering the attention back on him. 

He moved closer ensuring that Logan’s eyes had nowhere else to look but him. “I mean it,” He softly uttered, “I don’t want to come and replace you, they all need you. And I… I would rather not have to your thoughts becoming a reality. Understand?”

Something soft curled on Logan’s tongue, something not too far from the feeling of flower petals against his fingertips or even like the taste of having a favorite dessert after a long long time of not being able to eat it. Logically he knew what it was, and he knew what the feeling was after months of researching after the first time that Charon had himself known to Logan.

It was the pure undeniable fact that someone cared about him. 

It tasted beautiful.

Swallowing thickly, Logan licked his lips. “Of course,” He began, a tiny hint of a smile crawling on his lips. “I’ll be sure to knock over a beaker if I’m ever in the mood for your company… Charon.” 

There was a hint of a smirk, a flash of teeth, and brown eyes hidden behind broken glasses and the reckless side was gone. Most likely back to Thomas’ mind to continue his slumber under Logan wanted to see him next, or when one of them did something stupid again. Which… all things considered, wasn’t too far off into the future if Thomas’ life and his troubles were anything to worry about. 

Logan would see him again, especially considering that he was already starting to miss the empty space where the other side had just stood. 

“Logan! Can you help me in the kitchen!” Patton’s voice called out, snapping him from the rather melancholy daze. “I want to make Deceit some soup!”

And just like that Logan was off, hurrying to the kitchen before Patton could burn himself on the stove. 


End file.
